Dark Shadows is a film that doesn't quite seem to know what it wants to be. At times an absurdist, fish-out-of-water comedy and at times straight-up gothic horror, the film's reluctance to go all-in on either side of the ledger ultimately leads to disappointment.
Johnny Depp stars as Barnabas Collins, a man who was turned to a vampire by a witch (played by former Bond-girl Eva Green) and imprisoned for more than a century only to be awakened in the '70s (cue several sight-gags as Barnabas encounters the '70s for the first time - automobiles, hippies and shag carpeting)... and that's about as in-depth as we can get here as the Tim Burton-directed film is actually remarkably shallow.
That being said, though, the film actually made me laugh out loud on a few occasions (one scene involving supernatural intercourse had me howling, as did Barnabas' encounter with the aforementioned hippies) but these moments are often undercut by needless cruelty (either by the witch or by Barnabas himself) as the film tries too hard to straddle the line. Since the film is based on a (delightfully cheesy) '70s soap opera, I feel the film would've been better served playing to the inherent humour (Depp, for his part, seems to revel in the lighter moments by playing Barnabas straight as a board, despite how ridiculous the film may be).
The ending of the film is something I have a real problem with - it's either simply a twist for the sake of a twist, or it's something that screenwriter Seth Grahame-Smith (of Pride And Prejudice And Zombies fame) was trying to allude to throughout the film (arguments could be made for both cases) yet failed to do so in a convincing fashion. Unfortunately, this is just another example of the film sitting firmly on the fence when it should really choose one side or the other. In my opinion, it seemed like a cheap cop-out that was, as it were, the 'final nail in the coffin'. This will ultimately go down as one of the biggest disappointments of the Depp/Burton collaborations.
Geek Score: 
Cabin in the Woods
From the disappointing to the outstanding, Cabin in the Woods is a Joss Whedon-penned horror film that defies conventional genre-wisdom and gleefully circumvents and deconstructs trope after trope as it builds towards an incredible twist-ending. It's the best new horror film in years.
Starring Thor himself, Chris Hemsworth, and four other generic, disposable 20-somethings who make their way to the titular cabin for a spring break weekend (gee, where have we heard this before?) only to find that everything is not quite as it seems.
To even talk about the plot is to give too much away, honestly, as there is so much here that's fresh and new that you're better-served to experience it for yourself. Suffice it to say that if you have seen the commercials and think the ad teams have already given it all away, I'll simply say that you'll be pleasantly surprised.
Director Drew Goddard (Cloverfield) gets competent performances from his cast while keeping the action moving quickly when it calls for it, but he's not afraid to slow things down a bit (as can be often necessary in horror films). The real star of the film, though, is the Whedon-penned screenplay. Fresh, intelligent, scary and funny, it's a truly top-shelf genre picture.
Geek Score:
The Dictator
No one can ever accuse Sacha Baron Cohen of going for easy laughs. With The Dictator, he takes his certain brand of shock comedy farther than it's been before and while it may not always work, it hits more than it misses and is a huge step-up from his last film, Bruno.
The plot, such as it is, involves Cohen playing the titular character, Admiral-General Aladeen, ruler of the small Middle Eastern nation of Wadiya. He comes to the United States to meet with the United Nations, is subsequently replaced by his body-double and finds himself stranded in the east village of New York where he promptly (and inevitably) falls in love with a short-haired feminist (played with good spirit by Anna Faris). Let`s be honest, though - with Cohen, the plot is just a loose string designed to move us from one gag to another, and the gags mostly hit the mark. In fact, I found myself laughing at a few things that I never thought I would (one scene involving a helicopter tour over Manhattan, in particular, had me literally crying and another bright spot was a faux-documentary on Wadiya talking about how the word Àladeen`is used as an adjective).
Really it would seem that with Cohen, you either `get` him, or you don`t. I get him, so I enjoyed the film. It`s not perfect - the middle act drags a bit, for instance - but as far as R-rated comedies go, you could certainly do much worse.
Geek Score: 
Men In Black 3
I was somewhat surprised when I heard this was Will Smith's first role in over three years. Whether you like him or hate him, he is a definitive 'movie star' - he's got enough cachet to drive a film like The Pursuit of Happyness (sic) to $150 million, so reuniting him with arguably his most well-known franchise would seem like a no-brainer, until you remember just how bad Men In Black 2 was. It was a film that I managed to put out of my head almost the minute after leaving the studio, but the closer we got to the release of this film, the more I remembered just how poorly that film was made. As such, it shouldn't be a surprise that we waited a decade before seeing the third film in the series.
Regardless of whether people asked for it or not, though, here we are - and while this third film may not be particularly necessary in the grand scheme of things, it's an enjoyable sci-fi comedy that - at the very least - helps wash away some of the sour taste that may be left over from the second one.
Agents J (Will Smith) and K (Tommy Lee Jones) are both back, 'defending the Earth from the scum of the universe', but this time they've worked time-travelling into the mix as well as Agent J has to go back in time to save Agent K - and, of course, stop an evil alien who wants to destroy the Earth. In a brilliant piece of stunt-casting, Josh Brolin plays a pitch-perfect 30-year old Tommy Lee Jones as Agent K in 1969. Also new to the cast this time is Emma Thompson as Agent O, who replaces the erstwhile Agent Z (Rip Torn, who apparently had no interest in returning for this one).
The special effects, as has always been the case with this franchise, are relatively top-shelf as the alien creatures look suitably menacing and/or weird.
On the whole, I didn't mind the film, but I couldn't shake the feeling that I was watching something totally unnecessary. The film doesn't particularly add anything to the series and Will Smith himself seemed rather dated (He actually used 'shiznit' on multiple occasions), much like a byproduct from another era. In addition, the 3D (of *course* it was in 3D) seemed tacked-on and failed to add anything to the film. If you have the chance to see it in 2D, I'd say go for that. Still, as throwaway, summer popcorn fun, you could do a lot worse than spending 90 minutes with the Men in Black. Just don't expect anything ... *puts on sunglasses* Earth-shattering. (YEAAAAAAAAAH!)
Geek Score: 
What I'm Playing: Diablo 3, Max Payne 3, Walking Dead: The Game
What I'm Reading: Preacher vol. 6, Saga
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